Note: I was able to hand this to Clay and his Mom just days before he passed. I got a tremendous amount of satisfaction as I was able to gain some closure with Clay the only way I knew how, shortly before he died. Here I sit in 2004 and reflect as I post this. How long it has been since I've seen Clay Barnes a.k.a. "Da Queen" heard his voice, rode together, went binge eating together etc...Clay was a truly wonderful friend and human being with a heart of gold. Speaking of gold, I can still here him say some days, 'kiss my ring' as his name 'Queen' was very appropriate. Clay battled HIV/AIDS for many years and succumbed shortly after his 40th birthday at his home in Burbank, California. I asked Clay at one his many hospital stays if he was afraid, what he thought of death, donating his body to research etc. His answer in typical Clay fashion was, "see you on the other side boy." I pray this is indeed the case! R.I.P. Angel!
"Please
never ever forget those who have so
bravely gone before us in this battle!"
"SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE"
Dear
Clay,
I am writing you to let you know what a special
role you have played in my life. If you weren’t
such a jokester maybe I could tell you in person.
Then again, I am not very good at expressing
myself when it comes to good-byes. Let alone
one so close to home! So, hopefully this letter
can serve us both well!?
Clay, when I met you around 21 or 22…..My memory
is as bad as yours…I was a couple of years into
my HIV diagnosis and also in the middle of a
new journey in life, living clean and sober
and living with HIV. I had made a decision to
live my life to the fullest.
Little did I know how moving next door to you
would change and enrich my life for the better.
Even though I got very little sympathy from
you…(what’s new) you were always understanding
about my diagnosis and struggles with medicines
for which I am grateful. Whether you know it
or not you really helped catapult me into living
for the first time in my adult life. Not to
mention you were probably one of the first gay
men I had met who respected my sexuality and
vice-versa. I know I had the coziest bachelor
pad a straight guy could have thanks to your
artistic and decorative talents.
Clay, you were like a Father to me, a best friend,
confidant and a big ass mean bully brother I
never had. I remember how proud I was to ask
you to be my best man at my wedding. Little
did I know you’d help make it as wonderful and
tasteful as everything else you did, as only
a good “Queen” would have it. I remember our
days of eating our “gimme” Government Issue
cheese like it was caviar! I will never forget
you and I riding tricycles in the first
AIDS
bicycle fundraiser. We were the hit of the show!
I remember our motorcycle rides when we thought
we were the most bad boys on two wheels, that
is until we saw a Harley and were quickly brought
back to reality! Probably the best gift you
could have given me other than your friendship
is, giving me back my incredible passion to
ride motorcycles! I’ll never forget our weekly
binge runs to Sizzler on our matching Honda’s.
Now how “gay” is that! We’d literally eat till
we were sick than go have ice cream and wonder
why we weren’t losing weight! All joking aside
the gift of “Living To Ride” is one I will always
be grateful to you for!
Clay, I know you have suffered so very much
and are at peace with a “premature” death. I
know you have lost a lot more friends than I
have from this damn disease and you got to have
a clue how bad it hurts for me to be writing
this instead of calling you for a “Sizzler run”
on the Harleys now! Clay you were a beautiful
angel here in my life and now I can know you
will be my angel in peace and comfort! Am I
disappointed you are dying, am I broken hearted
to be losing such a very dear friend of mine,
is my heart a little more hollow, is my spirit
a little more broken, are tears pouring down
my face, is my hope a little more tarnished
at this loss, am I angry you are not going to
be here to fight this dreadful beast called
AIDS with me, am I horribly disappointed to
know you won’t be here with me to celebrate
a cure, am I happy you will be at peace and
out of pain and suffering, the answer is, HELL
YES! But then again, you never really cared
anyway…This hurts so bad Clay and I will always
miss you my Queen!
ANGELS
Angels are the guardians of hope and
wonder, the keepers of magic and dreams.
Wherever there is love, an angel is
flying by. Your guardian angel knows
you inside and out, and loves you just
the way you are. Angels keep it simple
and always travel light. Remember to
leave space in your relationships so
the angels have room to play. Your guardian
angel helps you find a place when you
feel there is no place to go. Whenever
you feel lonely, a special angel drops
in for tea. Angels are with you every
step of the way and help you soar with
amazing grace. After all, we are angels
in training; all we have to do is spread
our wings and fly!
Talented
Actress, Singer/Songwriter and voice
of Buttercup, Tommy Pickles and more,
EG Daily, visits Bob and shares her
love, compassion and talents with the
Camp Heartland family in Malibu, California-2006
