"SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE"

Dear Clay,

I am writing you to let you know what a special role you have played in my life. If you weren’t such a jokester maybe I could tell you in person. Then again, I am not very good at expressing myself when it comes to good-byes. Let alone one so close to home! So, hopefully this letter can serve us both well!?

Clay, when I met you around 21 or 22…..My memory is as bad as yours…I was a couple of years into my HIV diagnosis and also in the middle of a new journey in life, living clean and sober and living with HIV. I had made a decision to live my life to the fullest.

Little did I know how moving next door to you would change and enrich my life for the better. Even though I got very little sympathy from you…(what’s new) you were always understanding about my diagnosis and struggles with medicines for which I am grateful. Whether you know it or not you really helped catapult me into living for the first time in my adult life. Not to mention you were probably one of the first gay men I had met who respected my sexuality and vice-versa. I know I had the coziest bachelor pad a straight guy could have thanks to your artistic and decorative talents.

Clay, you were like a Father to me, a best friend, confidant and a big ass mean bully brother I never had. I remember how proud I was to ask you to be my best man at my wedding. Little did I know you’d help make it as wonderful and tasteful as everything else you did, as only a good “Queen” would have it. I remember our days of eating our “gimme” Government Issue cheese like it was caviar! I will never forget you and I riding tricycles in the first AIDS bicycle fundraiser. We were the hit of the show! I remember our motorcycle rides when we thought we were the most bad boys on two wheels, that is until we saw a Harley and were quickly brought back to reality! Probably the best gift you could have given me other than your friendship is, giving me back my incredible passion to ride motorcycles! I’ll never forget our weekly binge runs to Sizzler on our matching Honda’s. Now how “gay” is that! We’d literally eat till we were sick than go have ice cream and wonder why we weren’t losing weight! All joking aside the gift of “Living To Ride” is one I will always be grateful to you for!

Clay, I know you have suffered so very much and are at peace with a “premature” death. I know you have lost a lot more friends than I have from this damn disease and you got to have a clue how bad it hurts for me to be writing this instead of calling you for a “Sizzler run” on the Harley’s now! Clay you were a beautiful angel here in my life and now I can know you will be my angel in peace and comfort! Am I disappointed you are dying, am I broken hearted to be losing such a very dear friend of mine, is my heart a little more hollow, is my spirit a little more broken, are tears pouring down my face, is my hope a little more tarnished at this loss, am I angry you are not going to be here to fight this dreadful beast called AIDS with me, am I horribly disappointed to know you won’t be here with me to celebrate a cure, am I happy you will be at peace and out of pain and suffering, the answer is, HELL YES! But then again, you never really cared anyway…This hurts so bad Clay and I will always miss you my Queen!

Ride free my friend.